Female pastor urges men to show affection to wives, families
7/17/2001 News media contact: Tim Tanton · (615) 742-5470 · Nashville, Tenn. NOTE: This report may be used as a sidebar to UMNS story #315. By Tim Tanton* WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. (UMNS) -- Expressions of affection can make all the difference in a man's family life.
"The first gift that you can give to your family is the great ... gift of affection," said the Rev. Jessica Moffatt, senior minister at First United Methodist Church in Bixby, Okla.
Moffatt gave a woman's perspective on relationships during a July 13 speech at the 8th International UMMen Congress. She was the only female speaker at the July 13-15 event, attended by 4,000 church men.
"Do you know why most marriages break up?" she asked the men. "Most marriages break up because one or both parties lacks either the skill or awareness of how to meet the other person's needs.
"So here's the question of the morning: Do you know what your wife needs from you?" Likewise, do the wives know the husbands' needs? she asked. When spouses fail to meet needs, "it is usually due to lack of information."
Moffatt used Paul's first letter to the Thessalonians, 2:8-12, as a biblical base for her discussion about men and relationships.
A woman's top three needs are affection, conversation, and openness and honesty, she said. Openness and honesty translate into trust, she said.
She defined "affection" as "direct and convincing expressions of love." The way to a woman's heart is to give her a long hug and tell her tenderly how much she is loved. Moffatt suggested other ideas: holding hands, writing notes, making daily phone calls from the office, going for walks after dinner.
She said she wasn't talking about sex, but about expressing love without expecting anything in return.
Experiment with affection, she said. "I believe it can transform the heart of your relationship."
Affection is also the No. 1 need that children have in their relationship with their father, she said. She cited a magazine article that described how a father set aside 365 hours out of the year for one-on-one time with his son, and the impact that the commitment had on the son's life.
Noting Paul's reference in the Thessalonians passage to sharing "our own selves," Moffatt underscored the importance of men giving of themselves to their families. She also took a cue from Paul by urging the men to be encouraging to their children.
Moffatt asked the men if their marriages were centered on Christ. "Is Christ the third person in your marriage? Do you make time for the spiritual things in your family? Honestly, we need you to step out on this."
She concluded with words of encouragement. "Seek God. Seek the Holy Spirit. He will help you be the kind of father and the kind of husband that he intended you to be."
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*Tim Tanton is news editor for United Methodist News Service.
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